Stength

Ever think that once you get something that your life will finally settle down? Only to find out it does the opposite. Ever feel like you just have to much and you just can't handle it? I know I do. Ever think okay God I am not that strong. You know the saying "God won't give you anything that you can't handle" Well I don't believe that. I think He gives us way to much to handle in our own strength so that when we do make it through that tough time we can only say it was by God we did it because in our own strength we couldn't. But having that tough time or hard situation or world that won't stop spinning is tough. People say I am tough and that I have made it through a lot(maybe I will share one day everything I have been through and how God has used it) but dang I feel pretty beat up right now. Some of the hurt was yes my choices in life because a divorce is never easy or pretty. (not suppose to be) Do I believe I made the right decision still.. yes I do. Did I know there would be consequence...yes I did.  But where do you go when you feel like you have no more strength. What if you don't know what that next step is. Feel like your waling in the dark. What if you don't know if you have the strength to hold on to God anymore. Maybe that's the point. I don't have the strength and if I just let go that's when God can take control.  But I'm a control freak. I am a planner. I need to know point a, point b, and point c of the journey. And also when we will get there and what it will look like. Yeah I know control freak. yeah I know that is not how it works...lol. I drive Josh(my bf) insane with that. Always wanting to know everything. His answer is always  okay not always but 80% of the time is maybe,,,I don't know......drives me insane!!!!! well you have to know we only have like 3 months before the trip(if there was a trip planned)....yep see I drive him insane. Feel bad for him.lol
but back to my post..if this is the way I am then how do I just let go. Guess once all my strength is gone I have no choice but let go. maybe thats whats happening showing me I have no strength. so many thoughts and trying to make sense of them. wish I had the answers. but I don't.   

Abortion and What I believe About It.

First I don't believe in it at all. Don't think there is ever an exception to this. Because a baby is a baby. No matter the circumstances, So okay don't believe in it great...but now what. I feel like just saying that it is wrong; or posting on FB isn't really helping. So what is the answer to this? How do we get the percentage of abortions to go down instead of going up? I don't know. Don't have an answer for you wish I did. I do know though that these "Christians" who go and murder the doctors who perform these abortions is not the answer.Also the ones who condemn the women for getting an abortion isn't the answer either. Now like I said I don't believe in it at all. However, I don't know what brought that woman or young girl to the point of coming to the conclusion that abortion is the only way. SO what if we stopped judging her and put our stones down. what if took the time to get to know that girl. Show her she has support through this.  Because what if that girl is a 16 year old young girl who is scarred and pregnant and feels this is her only option because she has no support from anyone. That she is alone and feels scarred. What if you and I came beside her and showed her that she isn't alone. Not only am I standing beside her and holding her hand through the whole process but that Jesus is with her too. That yes she made a mistake by having sex, but that little baby growing inside of her is a miracle  and a blessing. That Jesus hasn't turned his back on her at all. He is there with arms open wide ready to hold her through this time in her life. That He will walk beside her and never leave her. And you know what neither will I.

So how do we reach her BEFORE she walks through those doors. We have pregnancy crisis centers all over. How can we improve those to make a bigger impact. My heart has always been for young pregnant girls. I guess because of my own story I understand being scarred and making that hard grown up decision to become a mother and grow up in a heart beat. You know what it was soooo worth it. Every day I look into my daughters eyes and she says I love you to me is the best and worth everything to me. But I was 18 when I got pregnant with my little blessing so I get it. It is by no means an easy road. So how do we reach these girls....I don;t know.....just know that this is very heavy on my heart. I pray and hope that one day maybe I will be able to help these girls and show them that there is hope. There is support. There are people who love you very much and don't have any stones to throw at them. Only loving arms to wrap around them. 

I am a College Student now!!!!!!

So as some of you have seen or heard I am headed back to school! Yep me of all people going back to college...ahhhhh! I am going for my Bachelor's in Business Management with an emphasis in New Media Marketing. I am super excited for this new adventure...but boy will it be an adventure. Full time school with full time college and full time mommy....yes lots of full times...yeah I know. It is going to be a crazy three years but I know it will be worth it in the end.......right? yes it will....I think....lol. It all has happened so quickly called the college and got signed up and accepted all within a week. I am very nervous though. What if I fail. What if I'm not good at this. What if.....someone told me recently "Maggie the what ifs are going to kill you if you keep thinking about them" I am terrible at not thinking about the "bad" outcomes to this...and well trust me there are a lot of them..lol. I sometimes  okay okay always forget to think of the positive. So when I get on here and start complaining about how hard college is and don't know if I can keep doing this just remind me that I can. That I all so am doing this for my kids so we can have a better future one day. So I am jumping in with two feet....ahhh here I go! :) 

The Hard Stuff!

Ever known anyone with depression. How about someone who committed suicide or cut. Ever said just be happy. Just get over yourself. Stop being so selfish. Ever said the person who committed suicide was just selfish. What if we all stopped for just a moment and saw that they are hurting people. That maybe, just maybe they don't want to feel that down or hopeless. Maybe instead of writing them off we walk beside them. We hold their hand and even sometimes just sit in their dark pit with them so they know they aren't alone. Now I'm not saying to have a pity party all the time. (However, I do like a good pity party sometimes!) But sometimes when you are that low and that down you just need a helping hand to remind you that you have value and worth. I should know.....maybe I will share my story one day...have to keep you in suspense.......keeping you coming back for more!! LOL! But in all seriousness next time you find out some one is struggling with depression don't write them off. Let you hand be the hand that helps them through. 

Two Post in One Week Oh My!!

So I figured I started this blog to write all my thoughts  most of my thoughts down. So here it goes.

Ever have those days where you just feel down. You feel alone even though you have all these people around you. Well I had a pity party for myself last night. yes and it was a grand party too balloons and hats and streamers...lol. You missed a great one..lol. Anyway.....I then wondered how many people feel this way like I did last night. How many times do we let our mind get the best of us. Our mind is such a powerful thing. Well the devil really knows how to use it against us. He knows just what to say to make me feel like I am all alone. But you know what I'm not. One of my biggest fears in life is being alone. I don't know why just is. So sometimes that fear gets a hold of me. I am learning to hand that fear over to God but honestly its hard sometimes. Because sometimes I like the pity party just a little to much. So if your ever feeling down and lonely call someone. Never know maybe they needed that phone call too. Sometimes that means I need to sit and just talk to God instead of sitting in my pity . honestly though last night I sat in my pity oh and ate some oreos....(needed chocolate) Feeling lonely is a powerful emotion that can cut you to the core. so next time you think of a friend call them up and let them know you miss them or text them. Next time you feel lonely sit and talk to God about why you feel lonely and well if you cant talk just write. write out your thoughts. I know that helps me. so I hope you have a wonderful day today. And know you are never alone.

My life and all it's changes!

So it has been a while to say the least. LOL! So whats new in Maggie's life well I had a little baby boy two years ago.Boy is he a handful! Two year old stage has definently hit! oh and potty training. Did I meantion that I hate potty training. but hey he is doing good so far.......lets not jinks that..lol I am now working at United Bank full time and I love it. I am now a single mom and well its been a very bumpy road. I filed for a divorce in october and well life has completely turned upside down since then. Learning to stand on my own two feet has been well interesting to say the least.I moved to Barnesville in March and i love it in my little quiet rowdy (because we all know its never quiet with kids...lol) apartment. I am finally getting settled there. Funny how life works and where it takes you. And what you think your fairtale to speak will look like. I don't know about you but my fairy tale doesn't look like what I thought it would. No prince on a white horse. No ball and pumpkin carriage. But what I did learn is that my life is just perfect. God has seen me through a lot in my life and will continue. I have learned I am way stronger than what I thought I was. I have had some deep pits of darkness that I didn't know if I could climb out of and guess what.....I know your waiting in anticipation....I couldn't get out of them. (not the answer you were expecting right? Well let me finish before you get alll upset and say but maggie you just said your life is perfect the way it is....yeah I know but see I couldn't get myself out of that pit but God could. and well I held on with everything that I had and have...because I learned that well God is my prince charming and well I am in a dance called the grace dance and wow is it wonderful. Its where I fully rely on Him, and He shows me this uncontainable love that has no limits to how far it will go to be with you. I've also learned who my friends are and wow they are amazing. They have stood by me when the going got tough and boy did it! So I want to say thank you to them. My journey isnt over (well atleast I hope its not...lol) and there will be plenty of bumps in this road but I look forward to my future and what all it holds and all the adventures that are ahead of me and I promise with three kids I will definitely have them! so for now adios but I hope to keep writing...so we shall see.... :)

Which woman are you? 

So I go to a Bible study on Tuesday morning and we have been studying different women in the Bible. Last week we study Mary of Bethany and this week we study her sister Martha. The question was asked in Bible study which woman are you. Are you Martha always doing and forgetting to spend time at Jesus feet? Or are you Mary who was enjoying the worship and fellowship with Jesus. I was very convicted today as I began to think about that question all day. I began to think I really don't identify with either. I am not doing what I should be doing as a mother and wife, and I am not spending the time that I should at the feet of Jesus. This lead to another thought. (I see lots of squirrels (see the movie "up" to understand that) with my thoughts...so just go with) So where am I getting my identity from. Am I looking at myself through God's eyes and seeing that i am His child and that my identity lies in Him. Or am I looking at the world and seeing all that I have not accomplished and done. Honestly I have been viewing my life through the world's eyes and not being really satisfied with where my life was at. Not that I don't love being a mom, but just wanting to be proud of something that I had done. This was a thought pattern that I didn't like. So starting today I am going to be more of a Mary by taking the time and being intentional with my time at the feet of Jesus. But also I am going to be a Martha and serve my husband and kids like God would want me to. I am going to be proud of what God has given me and take care of it. It reminds me of a song by Steven Curtis Chapman 

"You're picking up toys on the living room floor for the 15th time today. 

matching up socks

sweeping up lost cheerios that got away

You put a baby on your hip

color on lips and head out the door

While I may not know you, I bet I know you

Wonder sometimes, does it matter at all?

Well let me remind you, it all matters just as long

as you do everything you do to the glory of the One who made you, Cause he made you, To do

Every little thing that you do

To bring a smile to His face

Tell the story of grace

with every move that you make

and every little thing you do......"

http://youtube.com./watch?v=uVTeIMursb8

So be both women. Be Martha and be proud of what you are doing so you will bring glory to God. Also be Mary and take that sweet time to sit at the feet of Jesus because in order to be Martha and have the right attitude you need to get filled up by Jesus. :)